Gave blood for my physical today…In the waiting room, I witnessed a Persian woman stealing my People Magazine (February 6th, 2002 with Al Roker on the cover).

After my chest X-Ray, I tracked this woman down…She’s a nurse in some other office (they specialize in toenail fungus).

Anyway, I confronted this Persian woman…Basically she said, “I thought it belonged to my office”…I says, “maybe you should ask before running out of MY DOCTOR’S office”.

I then cut off her hand.

After this surreal episode, I then urinated into a cup (on the freeway shoulder)…Too much Starbucks.

“I’d like a large drip with room for sugar, please”

All based on a true story.