Some say this place is the hip hub for young New Yorkers. Whatever they say, it’s strewn with trash and litter. Skaters and Puerto Ricans have claimed this land as their own. Where am I, Zoo York? Are they shooting the remake of Kids?

It’s been four years since my departure and this is what I notice.

I’m wired, I have caller ID!

Please don’t get me started on Times Square or the service at Starbucks.

Brody aka Andy Rooney

-end of the ballgame @ Yankee Stadium

Travel and the internet are really amazing, aren’t they?

For reading on the DC-10, I purchased an Entertainment Weekly and National Inquirer at LAX. The total? Six dollars and sixty-six cents. Fitting.

*btw, somebody on the plane stole my EW while I was sleeping. Movie on the flight? Soul Plane. The undercover Air-Marshall had the bootleg.

Just went shopping in SoHo, bought two Ben Sherman shirts and a OBEY tee at Urban Outfitters, I’m hip and cutting edge.

Hopefully I’ll find time to update and recap Kilborn while relaxing in the Large Apple. Expect several photos, many focusing on the 212 and 718, MY lands of enchantment!

Darn, I still need to edit and upload Tokyo 2004, it will happen sooner than later. My computer/video guy ran outta RAM, maybe I’ll buy him a zip drive or something. He could be lying, possibly had a bad experience with my demo? So I wanted it on laser disc, what’s the big deal? The customer (I bought him beer) is always right.

Just found out about an audience member not digging my work at The Best Damn Sports Show. He said I “wasn’t funny and annoying”. Keep in my mind I deal with rehab clinics from Ojai, gang-bangers from East LA, rich kids from the OC and over two hours of taping with no music or breaks.

Not making excuses, just giving background.

What frightens me about this guy? He’s INDUSTRY (low-level), he has decision making power and couldn’t see the big picture.

How dare he rain on my parade! I do TV!

I feel as though I’ve tapped into a bubbling cauldron of rage!

Pull away from your secluded world and realize uptight nerds aren’t my target audience!! I’ll accept not being funny to one, but not funny? NO. You’ve got the right to your opinion, and I’ve got the right to defend my art! Jack Black, Steve Harvey, Demetri, Patton Oswald, Arsenio Hall and others say I’m funny, but this schmuck says I’m non-hilarious and annoying.

Yeah, I’m mad…and hurt

His taste in comedy damages Hollywood. Most everything sucks, now you know why.

I’m also defensive and insecure.

School’s out for Summer!! — with Alice Cooper

First off, thanks to everyone for your undying conditional support, it really does make a difference. This morning alone I’ve replied to four emails. Have things on my mind right now, plus I gotta pre-pack and pack for my six-day comedy/personal reflection/baseball safari in New York.

Tomorrow I fly into Allentown, PA then take a bus to Fort Lee, NJ where I’ll catch the PATH (train), final stop: Penn Station in Manhattan. Thanks Priceline, you screwed me again.

I’m also a little outta sorts, upset with my Panasonic digital recorder, can’t seem to upload or download tracks through my computer (captured fantastic audio at a Toluca Lake open mic). I think our housekeeper misplaced or took the proper USB cable, just a hunch.

Check the swap meets, they’re making cash off me! I don’t lose stuff and people steal, case closed.

*p.s. more on Kilborn and last night at The Comedy Store. Do names like Dice, Joe Rogan, Tony Clifton, Dennis from HBO’s Bunny Ranch, Judah Friedlander and myself ring a bell? That’s my scene! What’s yours?

…and because of this, Wednesday night (tomorrow) I’ll be filling in for him on The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn.

No, not a sketch, STAND-UP for my third time, enjoy that! I’m the Crash Davis of 1:22am slots.

It’ll be fun, I admire CBS Television City in Hollywood, also many of my friends work at Kilborn, mostly tech people because creative writer types creep me out. “No” you say? Think Stephen King is good at math? I rest my case, talk to the palm.

Wanna go? No guarantees, try this link for potential ticket info.

Norm MacDonald showing support.

A reminder, I’ll be in NYC this Saturday evening thru next Friday morning. Sunday I’ll be performing @ The Beauty Bar on 14th, then meet up with A-Rod and Company for a late dinner, followed by a night of dancing, laughter and spirits in SoHo.

I’m just adding filler, trying to create text space between the two photos above and below this sentence you are reading now.

Yesterday’s star sighting? At the Jerry’s Deli off Topanga Canyon in West Hills while eating breakfast with Mother? Ladies and gentleman I present to you…

from Ghostbusters AND 10-8: Officers on Duty…

Ernie Hudson.

with Antonio Tarver.

The WBC, WBA, IBO, IBA, and NBA Light Heavyweight Champion of the World!

*******

“Please don’t bother me, I’m watching Money Talks on TNT.”

Yesterday I turned mid-Thirties, had supper with friend’s parents. Dined Italian, Woodland Hills style.

Prior to meal, exercised alone in park, bought socks - plus DVD tower and milk from Target, shoe-goo @ Big Five, all while slurping on Jamba Juice.

Tomorrow, Mother joins celebration with Breakfast in Jerry’s Deli.

Brody’s Comedy Formula: reference + reference = reference

or

location - time + opposite = partial room chuckle

*******

Greg Proops and Jeff Richards link me, yet you don’t.

I’m aggressive-passive.

New found respect for Mr. Cosby.

Bill Gates supports me.

Borrowing links from Drudge, don’t know the protocol but I did it anyway.

These will probably expire in a few days.

*Here’s a non-text photo essay documenting my trip to Best Buy.

********

Check this out!!

Here’s an article from yesterday’s Orange County Register…

Marine knifed during Angels game

ANAHEIM - A Marine was stabbed at Angel Stadium on Wednesday night when a
fight erupted between two spectators during the final innings of the
Angels-New York Yankees game, police said Thursday.

The 23-year-old Marine, whose name was not released, was taken to UCI
Medical Center. His injuries were not considered life-threatening, Anaheim
police Sgt. Rick Martinez said.

Martinez said a spectator pulled a knife and stabbed the Marine during an
argument outside a gate. Alberto Navarette Jimenez, 23, of Anaheim was
arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and released on
$25,000 bail.

*Read my May 19th entry, did fate save me? This whistler punk had a shank!

…have taken a toll on me.

Especially Tuesday night’s vicious attack in Anaheim, then having to relive it over and over in my head with close friends, family members and counselors.

A very difficult time, what doesn’t kill me will only make me weaker.

I’m gaining weight as well, my baggy Quicksilver denim jeans are now hip huggers with a tapered leg, and pleated. Seriously, I can tell. The waist level phone clip I utilize now jabs into my abdomen.

Also, my sister says I’m a jerk. Stephanie, the only people I argue with are you, Mom, certain friends, co-workers and comedians.

I’ll be in NYC May 29th thru the 4th of June, maybe some shows? This trip is more about a mental cleanse, re-charge the battery while exploring former stomping grounds. People, I’ve already done Williamsburg, Brooklyn!

I ride the subway without a map, do you take chances?

Who’s up for Starbucks in the East Village?

*********

Apparently we killed 40 Iraqis yesterday as the US Military bombed a wedding party.

Why I don’t believe this…

Who’s getting married on a Wednesday in Najaf?

“Do you, Shaheen, take the hand of Udi, to hold….”

Get it? I made them gay.

Not my Ronald McDonald photo, found on the net.

First off, I’d like to say I’m happy with new Anaheim Angel owner Arte Moreno, he’s definitely made Angel Stadium more fan friendly, lowering concession prices and putting a winner on the field.

That being said, the “new” Angel Stadium feels like a giant Wal-Mart (btw, I shop Costco and Target). Just a different vibe from the past Gene Autry/Disney ownership days, on top of this, the fans are more confident, aggressive and annoying (maybe because it was the Yankees?). Wouldn’t call it a warm family environment, at least not last night.

For example, I arrive at the game with my friend (he’s wearing Yankee garb, I’m in navy blue with no visible affiliations), we decide to stroll out to left field, get a feel for the event, take in the amenities which include new scoreboards and an upgraded sound system.

Standing there, MINDING MY OWN BUSSINESS, watching the game, all of a sudden I hear this extremely loud whistle directly in my left ear, once then twice. So I physically turn and say “can you please not whistle in my ear”, this guy does it again. I say “stop harassing me, I’m gonna get security”, while making sure the usher is fully aware of this developing situation.

The whistler tells me to move, I stay.

He was a drunk and possibly high Latino man with a shaved head wearing an Angels jersey, that’s what I was dealing with.

Was this some kind of gang ritual? He was also cursing, there were people in wheelchairs, they didn’t need to hear his improper English and foul language.

I stood up to him with his “hommies” hovering in the background. I could’ve called in the cops or punched him. Instead, after a minute or two of tension, I just walked away to cool down, because I’m the bigger man. He was trying to bait me, I’m smarter than that.

I fight on my terms.

Hate to say it, beer and certain cultures don’t mix, you do the math.

Bottom line, the Angels lost a childhood fan (me) but gained a menace to society.

Don’t bug me and I won’t bug you. But when you do, I’ll call you out utilizing my vast knowledge and experience in dealing with diverse backgrounds.

The meek shall inherit the earth and I witnessed it first hand.

Am I angry? No. But if attacked, wouldn’t you wanna spew hatred on your blog?

It’s fun!

It was delicious, shame on you Quizno’s. The more I thought about Saturday’s debacle, the better my 12-inch Tuna on wheat tasted. In fact, It was so good, instead of stealing them, I actually bought a second bag of chips.

Service with a smile, this kid from Bangladesh was a true sandwich artist, flanked by an adult woman, respecting his elders.

Fear and Consequence, that’s what the youth of America needs.

And finally…

The ESPN (and possibly ABC?) 2004 NBA Playoff theme song, “Let’s Get It Started” by The Black Eyed Peas is from their most recent album. Well, not really.

The ACTUAL song on the album is “Let’s Get Retarded”.

In hindsight, The Black Eyes Peas wrote a serious song, based off a PARODY.