So yesterday I’m working at THE show, you know, Best Darn Sports on Fox.

Usually, as a way of connecting with the audience, I love to ask them what or where they went to high school (yes, this is part of my “act”). Mic in hand, I just go into the chairs, seats, tables or bleachers, randomly selecting startled participants. It’s a simple ice breaker that generates full studio chuckles.

So yesterday, for example, we had a crowd made up of mostly Marines from Camp Pendleton.

And it went…

me: what high school did you go to?
him: Wilson Juneau Academy
me: Alaska
him: yes
me: played baseball, six weeks in Fairbanks, midnight sun game

next…

me: where did you go to high school?
him: Battle Creek Christian
me: Kellogg, Michigan – am I correct? – My mother, born in Detroit.
him: yes

and another…

me: where did you go to high school?
HER: I’m from Brazil
me: (whisper) mmm, I love soccer and the internet, hello

over there…

me: where did you go to high school?
her: Knoxville, Tenn.
me: bought fireworks at Dollywood

See how it works?

me: what high school did you go to
him: Dobson in Mesa, Arizona
me: just there, flew outta Sky Harbor last night. Does this ring a bell?
him: yes

And finally…

me: what high school did you go to?
him: Columbine

Let me stop here, he said COLUMBINE.

Complete Silence.

He was a Marine and yes he went to Columbine. So I followed it up with the question everybody instantly had on their mind. Was he there?

So I asked it – “were you there?”

him: yes

Yes, he was there for that day. Again, more uncomfortable awkward silence.

What’s a performer to do?

To change the mood of the crowd, to gets its collective mind off that horrible disaster in Colorado and reintroduce a fresh focus on humor in the present – I had no choice but to order a group of Marines recently back from Iraq to think good thoughts, “let’s clean the palette boys, positive images”.

And I told them to “think of the war”.

Yes, THINK OF THE WAR.

More silence you say?

No way.

We all laughed a huge sigh of relief.

Seriously, the Columbine coincidence was a moment bristling with tension, and the Marines being who they are, allowed me to use them as a personal buoy in a sea of of hell created solely over my refusal to tell jokes.

Say or feel whatever you want, but none of us can do the job those guys are doing.

They’re braver than me.

Brody: switching focus