So they found the missing Georgia bride in New Mexico.

Said she was kidnapped by a Mexican couple – (what, did they drown her kids too?)

Turns out it was hoax, she got cold feet, nervous about her big day.

My only question, will the wedding still go off on time?

I’m sure we can all relate.

One time, had to take the PSAT, very frightened – got on my Huffy and just started peddling, made it five blocks until mother caught up to me in her 1993 yellow Volvo.

Took the test, sub-700.

Wish I got away.

The follow up to my follow up…

Unfortunately, I have seen you live. I guess I’m one of the ones who “don’t get it”, but hey I’m not a celebrity so why would I? So I’m the amateur one now for having an opinion? I’ve watched your videos, and I’m sorry but I just don’t get your humor. I watched the Tom Arnold roast expecting just that, a “roast.” Instead, I get to see you doing your bit and milking your airtime with material totally unrelated to Arnold (or atleast that’s what’s shown in the video). For some reason you just start shouting and even the audience looks confused. Bottom line, I didn’t get your blog on the frontpage from yesterday.

John P

Here’s the deal, then I gotta move on…

Where live? – from the Tom Arnold Roast on my website? – that’s a start. If you know anything about roasts, it’s not just about going after the target, it’s also going after yourself and others, which I did.

Also, if it was so bad, then why did Tom ask me to roast Ed McMahon and James Cameron the following year?

So yeah, you not being a celebrity stands out like a sore thumb.

Thank god Tom Arnold gets me and some anonymous guy on the net doesn’t – I’ll take that any day of the week.

Got it?

p.s. amateurs can have opinions, but professionals have the right to correct or adjust misguided outsiders.

And I just did, see ya! – gotta go hug an old lady and bring smiles to the faces of strangers.

Another attack in the Guestbook…

i hope youre not tying to be serious about the “don’t cross me of my friends” line…now you’re the one sounding amateur and cheesy, much like the fans you disagree with waving to the camera at baseball games….i really dont see why you had to throw that in there.

John P.

Jeez, don’t people realize I’m a COMEDIAN, at least I think I am.

Yes I’m serious, but I also joke – sometimes I blur the lines.

“Don’t cross me or my friends”? – imagine me saying it, possible fake anger? – it’s been done before.

Bottom line, if you know me and are familiar with my work, you probably wouldn’t have brought negative energy to this site.

I say research my craft, see me live then read the blog – if you still feel the same way, then you’re the amateurish one – now it’s back on you.

On the other hand, maybe you do know me?

Uh-oh.

Can’t stand fans sometimes…

First, the ones who sit behind home plate waving their arms while on the cell phone.

Amateurish, cheesy and irritating – I change the channel whenever I witness this behavior for more than three consecutive pitches.

You hear that sponsors?

(tonight’s guilty party: Justin Timberlake with Cameron Diaz and crew – still there thru the 7th inning, not bad)

Second, any idiot Dodger fan currently booing Shawn Green.

Leave the guy alone.

What did he do wrong? – He was traded to Arizona by the way, not a free agent.

Sure he wasn’t a super star, but he was a quality player who always gave back to the fans and community.

So I guess he’s getting booed because he’s Jewish, and this makes me sick!

From Drudge, there’s a story of some guy freezing his dead mother so he could collect her Social Security checks.

Go ahead and read the link, then get back to me.

Okay, are you back?

Not a bad idea, be honest – me and many of you had to be thinking the same thing? – felt sorry for the guy, deserved a little spending cash, kinda connected with him through the first few paragraphs.

The blood on the wall from the cat attack was a stretch – but we’ve all been around crazy cats, they’re NUTS.

I was even gonna give him the benefit of the doubt regarding that 10-year old kid, maybe he was a pre-teen punk asking for it?

Then the tale quickly turned into a downward spiral incorporating SWAT units, explosives, high noon, corpse, standoff, homemade devices, homicide, etc…

End of story – and to think, he could’ve gotten away with it if he didn’t punch little Timmy and lay lead into his pops.

This guy should be on The World’s Dumbest Criminals.

Hey guys, Brode here, back from the Springs.

I like giving old clothes to our housekeeper, feels good – balances out karma damaged by my secret trust experiments played on a unknowing Alba – like sticking two 20’s together (i.e. leaving extra pay on the counter), scattered porn on the floor and a open package from Nick Nolte’s kid.

Oh, and a loaded gun on a Pier 1 Imports bean bag.

Wait, it’s back.

The hip-hop! – they’re out there again and it’s getting in my head, can’t concentrate.

If this noise pollution continues, I will take action.

Basically, I’ll scope out the situation and perform a precautionary drive-by, gathering the appropriate info before contacting neighborhood watch.

I’m good, all positive energy on my end.

He WILL be famous.

Brody: priorities outta whack

Boom! – it happened, enjoy this!

It’s 12:30 in the afternoon on the west coast and out my bedroom window I’m hearing loud hip-hop crunk type music – seems like it’s coming from down the alley, out of a car – picture a group leaning on or surrounding a vehicle.

Don’t think they’re shooting a video – those always look fun.

Should I be annoyed?

Well, I am.

Could close my window, but it’s so nice outside.

Yes, my neighborhood is changing, guess this is a side-effect.

And HOW DARE YOU think they’re black – they may actually be persian.

*no Photoshop – my skin tone was peaking! – only slight rosacea