Gotta think good thoughts, send money and help, period - when the Red Cross says yes, I’ve got a fresh twenty earmarked for Louisiana.

If anybody can handle this disaster, we can - like Reebok, we’ll just do it.

The looting and confusion is annoying, in SOME cases the lawlessness understandable - but this isn’t about politics, it’s about saving lives, getting people out and cleaning up.

We’ll worry about funding and feelings later - believe me, this country, the richest nation in the world (I think?) can take care of it’s own.

Curious, is France, the Taliban or Kenya gonna send us help or aid? - probably not.

NOW we open the borders and send our friends from the south directly to the Gulf Coast - You need a job? - help out with our water pumps and we’ll give you a free pair of sneakers.

Seriously, I’m shocked. The last time I felt these emotions? - Space Shuttle Disaster, 9th grade.

And yes, my back is still KILLING me - I’m on Celebrex, thanks Doc.

Think I hurt it swimming, little too aggressive in the pool - dropped penny in deep section.

This planet is nuts - what’s next? - California falling off into the ocean?

Won’t bet against it.

Sure I’m in Los Angeles, but there’s only one la that really matters today and that’s the LA cradled between Texas and Georgia - and let’s not forget Mississippi and the Alabama shores.

Hasn’t Mississippi been declared a disaster area for the last 10 years? - they don’t have school supplies at the UNIVERSITY level - kidding, but not.

Here’s the deal - Mom is going on a trip in 7 days - where you ask? - does New Orleans ring a bell? - not kidding at all.

Heard the I-10 is under water - backed up from Biloxi to La Cienega.

The kids from Hawaii won the Little League World Series!! - from Ewa Beach, just up the road from Waikiki - Teina Manu, my brother in comedy, fled the shelter of our family’s condo in the valley for a 14-month soul searching trek to…

…you got it, Ewa Beach.

Hmm, enchanted pooka shells? - and let’s not forget my connection to the new Bad News Bears - hey, what a great match up, Billy Bob and the kids take on Hawaii with a whole Brady’esque side-story thrown in.

I write my script on Pro-Tools! - who needs Final Draft when you’re tapped into the soul of percussion.

Btw, back is killing me - gonna see Dr. Zagha tomorrow, still need my Zocor - much pain, so much, over 100 today and I’ll be in the jacuzzi!

Time heals, each passing hour represents bactine and fresh gauze.

…but not when your back is thrown outta whack - pulled and or tweaked my lower left lumbar region - it hurts, gripping pain around the waist just getting up from my futon or into a porta potty.

As we go to press, Giambi has hit two more blasts today with 7 RBI’s! - he loves me, hooked him up big time in the OC, gave him the positive go-ahead, whatever this means - yes, he’s struggled a bit in August, could be saving it for September and October?

Yes, October.

Oh, and Bernie Williams too - we have a special artistic connection.

The VMA’s on MTV in Miami are off to a great start - let’s hope Suge Knight getting shot last night in the leg at a Kanye West pre-party will set the tone for an eventful award ceremony.

The more Jessica Alba talks the less I enjoy her.

Nothing to do with Jessica per say, but if I hear the word AMAZING used one more time by a Hollywood type I’m gonna buy and sell bootleg DVD’s from Vietnam.

Little Kim aka The Queen Bee is aging gracefully.

Don’t wanna jinx, but no real major brush fires this year in Southern California - various weather outlets predicted acres and acres of unpredictable havoc - I knew the rain and shrub removal would stand up to these intense temperatures we’re experiencing here this summer - over 100 degrees outside again, had my base tan back in early May.

And Ashley Simpson is MORE ANNOYING than ever, stop with that ridiculous laugh and TWO uses of “amazing” nestled in your empty banter.

Even John Norris was embarrassed for you.

Being harsh today, sorry.

I’m a bitter man with an achy back.

Been watching the Season One DVD of Dog the Bounty Hunter on VHS.

I’m taking down ice, yeah! - me and Willie Aames.

Watching the Bronx Bombers take on the Blue Jays from Toronto in New York via the Yes Network.

That sentence would fail in any class.

Cindy Sheehan - will somebody please step in and give her an Extreme Makeover because she ain’t easy on the eyes - just a fact based on info gathered from a special on PBS.

Everyone wants to pull out and quit - I don’t quit, we run through the finish line.

We’re giving democracy a chance, if that don’t work, we step in and take over.

Why? - because I need oil for my Toyota - I’m doing stuff, I’m helping people.

My dad was in the Navy, he died a Veteran and his ashes were blown out to sea - I’ve got the flag and video to prove it.

He was a cook on the USS Malibu, senior volunteer.

Btw, I’m laughing right now - and that’s what life is all about.

In UnderArmour, wearing 5 pound ankle weights, sipping on Muscle Milk, swimming, internetting and hanging out with Pete Rose.

You’re damn right I’m proud to be an American!

extracted from my guestbook…

was at BDSSP last year and then again last week. You used the exact same jokes. Got any new material?

steve hallinan

If it ain’t broken don’t fix it.

My job at BDSSP is to “warm-up” the audience (over 920 shows there), not do stand-up.

If you said this about my “club” act, then I’d take your criticism constructively.

Since it isn’t, you STEVE can go F yourself.

Or not.