Compliments of my sister Stephanie, and in front of our feeble Mother on top of it. So I come home on this fourth day of Hanukkah, following a fantastic pancake/omelet breakfast at the local greasy spoon with dear mother. Gave her some rent cash (September was rough), pumped fresh middle grade unleaded fuel into her gold Avalon and chatted about life and the birds as we noshed on a restaurant patio facing Ventura Boulevard.

Mother and son connecting, just like commercials and TBN sitcoms.

Once digested, we arrive back home where Stephanie awaits for her prey, I mean US to return after our breaking of bread and sipping of ground cocoa beans (mom loves decaf!).

So we park and go upstairs, through the kitchen and into the living/dining room area where I decide to open some windows and get a little cross current going. Our family condo was a touch stuffy, that’s all.

Hey, why not turn on a fan, the one above the dining room table? And that’s what I did. Stephanie says turn it off, “it’s there for show” - only used for it’s lighting capabilities - “BECAUSE it doesn’t rest flat against the ceiling”. Therefore, when the fan is turned on and used, it can “fall down” (spinning outta control) from the ceiling onto the dining room table.

Get it?

It doesn’t lie flush due to the Northridge Earthquake back in January 1994. Stephanie put it up herself after the disaster and it’s been there ever since, not being used by her for over 10 years.

(A little background, I’ve been staying here for five years and the fan works just fine
Bottom line, it’s not gonna fall - jeez. And if it’s faulty, get it repaired! Why is it up there in the first place? I even said, if it breaks, I’ll fix it. But no, she goes nuts, telling me to F-off and get out, this isn’t your place, I’m bi-polar, etc…

Then Mom comes outta the bathroom getting on me saying that’s no way for a son to act, move out, stop the yelling, I need help, etc…

Irrational and Unbelievable. (hey, Mom what about the last two hours without Stephanie? - I was nice and calm, a pleasure to be around, usually am)

Yes, within three months I leave Tarzana, but why get so brazen with your insults and actions, Stephanie? She never tries, and when she does, she quits, runs away or flips out.

(to be fair, I do say some mean things - but only after my buttons are pushed, time after time) - Personally, I can’t ignore defective behavior, especially when it involves me dealing with a family member. Somebody has to take a stand, right?

Just be nice and don’t let your neurosis bleed over into my functional life - No wonder EVERY male in this family has heart problems.

Again in the end, it all lands back on my desk. I’m only trying to have a “normal” family existence. It’s very hard to do when you have a sibling who refuses to try and a Mother unable to dole out logical advice.

Yes, it bothers me.

And you’ve just read reason #82 why Stephanie will not be in my child’s life.

But first I gotta net a girlfriend and take the 310 plunge!