*but I’m rooting for the Seahawks of course!

Betcha the response is, and that’s why Google and Mac are in a all out brawl. Stop fighting, we need to get together in order to defeat widgets and unsolicited band requests on MySpace.

Very cold this morning in D-Town. A snow flake was able to land and survive on my toasted bagel for over several seconds.

Mom is not good with electronics, recently caught her attempting to text on a rotary phone. I’m sure this is a hacky premise and many feature acts use this bit as a closer.

Sirius and XM Satellite? I was happy with cable radio. Now THAT joke is all mine and it’s my opener when I host on the road.

*next Tuesday I’ll be at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. Does Dane Cook ring a bell? No? Then how about Jay Davis?

*also Largo, The M Bar, UCB Theatre, The Comedy Store and a place known as the Improv off Crescent Heights - look for me there this Feb/Mar in between my realistic visions of baseball glory.

I will say this, gravity boots have helped my posture, indirectly assisting my gate as I race walk for a cure. A cure for mild scoliosis. Pray with me brothers and children.

Ford Field, if you don’t know

Michigan, that is. Is their another? Will somebody GoogleQuest it for me?

Right out of the box I’m giving you laughter on a Sunday. Me, I’m on the 15th floor of a Holiday Inn high above Southfield (a suburb). Rooms are sparse, it’s Super Bowl week. It was this or a couch in Windsor.

Boom, more chuckles, almost instantly. Now THAT’S what I call writing a humorous blog.

And to those who are confused, here’s a photo of Texas Longhorn QB Vince Young, just moments after beating USC single-handedly in the 2006 Rose Bowl.

Hope to have a few shows around LA pretty soon. Last week, The Brody Stevens Impression Contest was a hit over at Garage Comedy in Silver Lake. Still gotta work out the kinks, but the night ended spectacularly well with a Bloc Party Drum-Off featuring all the participants dancing on stage while I banged my ramshackle kit. About a dozen Brodys having a blast as the audience joined in, adding their share of glee and amazement.

That’s how I saw it.

Let’s not forget Johnny P who brought his own snare and h-hat!

And yes, I’m serious about pitching, why not? Basically I’m pulling a Rivers Cuomo of Weezer, going back to Harvard, getting my degree. Comedy will be fine, others will emerge and fill the void left by my presence in the Lower East Side, cutting edge LA, and working Hollywood.

Don’t roll your eyes.

I’ll be there from Saturday to Saturday, missing the actual Super Bowl, because the game is just an afterthought.

Welcome to the world of hype and I’m knee deep in it, on the sidelines of this outdoor arena league mentality.

As I babble, bs.com loses readers, followers and potential subscribers.

I have power in this town, recently turned down an open call to play Bin Laden in a pilot presentation. Word gets out on this sorta thing. Now I’m up for a musical on Spike TV.

Just found out, if I’m in town on March 11th, Tom Arnold wants me to perform at his annual charity fundraiser. Two years ago I’d say no, but now, since I’ve been rejected by the hip and cool, gonna say yes.

I’ll be honest, internet nerds are calling the shots and paybacks are a bitch! Just because I compete physically, don’t listen to Bright Eyes and respect authority, somehow I’ve been ostracized from this close knit, influential community.

Jeez, the Branch Davidians were more open minded.

First off, tonight I’ll be at the Comedy Store for a midnight spot, boxing in Rogan and Dice in the parking lot.

Did well in AZ over the weekend, though giving up a home run to Chris Bando’s kid. Darn aluminum bats, with wood it’s just a fly out. But anyway…

My hats off, he went deep. Then I walked the next guy with my groin tightening up. But I beared down and busted a good fastball on the hands of a 2006 pre-season All-American to record the final out of the inning, a lazy fly ball to center. A nice bookend to an outing which started off with two weak ground balls to second.

Bottom line, I still got it - and this after throwing a simulated game to a group of minor leaguers on Thursday at Pierce College in Woodland Hills, CA.

And yes, my curveball was tight.

So what does all this mean? I don’t know yet, a possible pro contract? As of today, all systems are go.

See ya later Hollywood, I’ve conquered your system - My pipe dream is your vicious nightmare!

over the weekend in Tempe, AZ

…Or am I?

Honestly, I’m into baseball right now. Enough with the ridiculous game of Hollywood and non-athletics. I need to follow my dream, and that’s NOT doing comedy on The Tonight Show, but pitching in some bootleg independent semi-pro league on the weekends, taking a bus all night in Southern Utah or renting a car for the hills of Tennessee.

This town is soft and I’ve had enough with people not pulling their weight. If you were on my team, you’d get buried on a daily basis. We’d weed you out. - (not you specifically, just the bad energy/no character types)

But in 2006, this isn’t the reality.

Again, I apologize for being a stranger, but now you know.

Please, just let me vent, buy winter clothes and prepare for my week in Detroit working Super Bowl XL.

Be strong, we’ll get through this.

John Daly - with a third arm growing from his hip

Odds and Ends…

Today I checked the mail and spent three hours in line at the DMV.

Elizabeth Shue is pregnant again and this time the father is Andrew.

Big Mama’s House 2 is coming out soon and it stars tennis player Serena Williams. Seen her at the Australian Open and Martin on those billboards? Now you understand, Thank You. (too busy writing this to provide jpegs)

New reports say having a TV in your bedroom cuts your sex time in half. I have TWO televisions in my bedroom, you do the math.

This site was here before MySpace and I’ll be DAMNED if I bow to societal pressure and move my creative life COMPLETELY and BLINDLY over there, sharing bandwidth 14 year-old goth kids from suburbean Philly.

Nope, won’t do it.

FYI, five years I’ve worked on the production side at Fox Networks, and who recently bought MySpace? You got it, FOX.

We stole Tom’s thunder for a cool 300 million or so. Success comes through me - Barry Bonds, Phil Mickelson and the New York Yankees. If you’re confused, you have every right to be. Derek Jeter, Christopher Atkins from Blue Lagoon and former NFL linebacker Bryan Cox all have broken bread with me and they’re not confused.

You see, I’m just a baseball player/pitcher who happens to speak uniquely into a microphone - sometimes saying words backed with emotion and in the moment energy, sprinkled with a little crowd work, light chuckles, facial messages and bare bones drumming.

Honestly, If I cut out baseball and give up my gig at FOX Sports, someday I may have over 1000 friends on Myspace and a return appearance on Comedy Central.