Today I’ve witnessed sunshine in two separate cities. Phoenix and LA. Suck on that Winnipeg! Yeah, just took a shot at Canada, gotta keep them on their toes. Trust me, I understand border issues. And when I say “border issues”, I’m not talking about items off the menu at Taco Bell. I’m speaking about real life stuff, like their new spicy steak burrito. Damn, I’m getting pulled in too.

To be honest, the last 72 hours have been whirlwind. Dreams and realities were achieved simultaneously on a fresh desert grass compound known as Surprise, Arizona: Spring Training home to the Texas Rangers Major League Baseball club.

Basically, I was brought in to break things up. A prank/roast kinda deal, and that’s what I did.

From MLB.com…

Israeli pitching coach crashes meeting: The pitching coach for Israel’s 2009 World Baseball Classic team was at the Rangers team meeting Monday night.

At least that’s how Showalter introduced him to the players and staff.

Before long, the guy was trying to recruit catcher Rod Barajas because “you look Egyptian” and the players realized they were being taken in by Brody Stevens, a professional comedian hired by Showalter as entertainment.

Every player got zinged, from Kevin Mench’s oversized head to the fact that Nevin was a punter in college.

“Yeah, we all know how tough you are,” Stevens told Nevin.

Even Hicks wasn’t spared.

“He didn’t miss anybody,” Showalter said.

Here’s another one from the Dallas Morning News…

Owner Tom Hicks set the stage by telling the team fairly directly that he expects it to win the AL West. Comedian Brody Stevens, the warm-up act for the Best Damn Sports Show Period, took over for 25 minutes of roasting the Rangers. That bit of levity may have been significant, because the confidence to poke fun at their abilities has been lacking from recent Rangers teams.

Catcher Rod Barajas said. “This meeting made its point. It was plain and simple. It was the best one of those kinds of meetings I’ve been part of.”

But we all know I do more than warm-up, right? I’ve hosted several public access television shows, participated in the Diet Pepsi Challenge (tech + security), and I frequently call into overnight paid radio shows (I need herbs for my colon! - and yes I’ll hold).

And it doesn’t stop there!

No, not the colon/herb stuff - the real life baseball fantasy camp. It happened. After Monday night’s pressure packed performance, the offer was made.

“Brody, wanna suit up for Tuesday’s workout?”

And this is what I said…

“yes, I’m wearing a cup”