Welcome to my new column, Brode Trip. You like? We’ve done test screenings, exit polling and case studies. This name works and it’s gonna stick!

So many emotional images on TV yesterday, I was transfixed. There were executions, funerals, memorials, tears, you name it. And that was just the football game.

Bingo! Said joke is Tonight Show ready and I have the fax number courtesy of a page who worked there in the early 90’s.

James, Gerald, and now Saddam. What’s Jay Leno gonna do? He relied heavily on Saddam for comedic effect (so did Hot Shots!). Nothing funny about getting hanged.

We built this man up as a crazy guy, we never see the murders (I’m sure they’re on You Tube somewhere). But let’s be honest, he’s great in the courtroom, it is funny when he becomes defiant, shouting off to the judge and belittling his lawyers, gesturing, pointing, all tied together with that trademark scowl.

You gotta laugh. Can’t they just keep him on display in a public prison? What about learning from the guy? How does his mind work? What’s his homepage?

You know who’s pissed and has every right to be? Peter Boyle. He was the third, walking in hand and hand with President Ford and the Godfather of Soul, not a bad exit, pretty good company, any of us would take it.

Then all of a sudden, Boyle gets Pearl Harbored by this maniacal mad man, Hussein taking one last shot at the West and our Hollywood studio system.

However we think and feel, somebody has got to take the spotlight off Saddam and shine it on Brown, Ford, Boyle, and him or herself.

We only have hours. Who’s gonna take one for the team? Dammit, I need names!

Steve Irwin tried to time it, bless his heart.

And to that I say “Thank You Mitzi”. Is somebody out of town? Did Lester from Willie Tyler and Lester sprain his ankle playing softball in the celebrity entertainment league? Did Vince Vaughn hire away all the top tier comedians? Either way I’m there and ready to be bumped by Carlos Mencia.

Duncan, a recently featured MySpace blogger, sure got a lot of replies based on his cat microwave story. I think people are intimidated by me.

First off, I never set out to be a comedian, wanted to be a salesman like my dad, then a baseball player because I had a good arm and some power, then a performer because others told me I was funny.

I hate haters, they bring me down.

Because of them I’m gonna end up back in retail selling China at Macy’s.

from Brody Baseball Boot Camp…

Also, I refill Rite Aid prescriptions over the phone, text my friend at the NFL Network, stave off negative blog comments and drive 35 minutes around the Valley looking for food - finally settling on a homemade PB & J, less than a handful of Triscuts, washing it down with Diet Rite cola and CLA/Tonalin. See? I’m just like you.

Let’s get back to that police report…

The other day I witnessed a scandalous act involving my bank account and 300 hundred dollars cold hard cash. It took place at a drive-thru ATM teller, that’s all I can type right now, I’m still shaking from the ordeal, it’s been a difficult 72 hours.

I couldn’t keep it from you guys any longer. Today is the the day I open up and bring you into my world, my life, my journey. “You thought you knew, but you really don’t know”, this is the Diary of www.BrodyStevens.com

Like that? It’s a play off the MTV show.

In a nutshell, here’s how it went down. I pulled away from the automated teller island, he pulled up, he continued my transaction, he took out 300 hundred dollars from my checking account, he tried to get 300 more but was denied.

A sick, twisted, brutal crime.

Did I leave my card in the machine? Yes. Was it a walk-up? No. Drive-thru, which is a key clue. Video cameras? Only the finest.

He’s sneaky and on the prowl. He pulls up behind you, waits for you to leave your card in the machine. It’s the oldest trick in the book.

However, little did he know, I forgot to deposit a check (basically leftover per diem) from Sport-Star Baseball Camp where I worked all week, giving back to the community, teaching young men about life through the standards and practices of professional baseball etiquette. We had Gabe Kapler for the fourth straight year, also the Weaver Brothers, both Jeff and Jered at the same time.

Boom, a quick u-turn, back in line, ready to go. Sensed something was up when I idled behind this extremely excited gentleman, who’s jumping up and down, on the phone with friends and local TV, doing interviews, celebrating, waving to the Gods above, etc. After 45 seconds, he leaves. I then drive up and see the screen, I thought he left HIS card. “Hey buddy, where ya going?”. I finish it up, get the receipt and look at the card. OOOPPS, It’s mine
Sir, if you’re reading this, please turn yourself in. If that doesn’t interest you, maybe you can drop the money off at a secure location. How’s Panda Express next Tuesday at 7pm?

Has anybody heard anything? I’ll keep your identity private, trust me, my rep is A #1 on the streets of the 818.

I’m pitching this to Telemundo as a real life news feature, in the same vain as How to Catch a Predator, hosted by Gideon Yago.

Who’s on board?

I accepted the greatly unpopular week of Christmas/New Year to rant at MySpace. A major miscarriage in judgment on my end. Nothing going on, holiday blahs, etc. So I thought. Then we lose two men who helped shape and lead our country in times of adversity.

Boom: topics for inspiration!

We can learn from these passings, appreciate each life and honor their achievements on specific topics covering Vietnam, the 60’s and Rocky 4.

Yeah, James Brown sang “Living in America” in Rocky IV, didn’t realize that yesterday when I was praising Stallone for his Travolta like reemergence on the scene (Copland didn’t take).

Then President Ford. 93 is a good run, you can hold your head high. 73 for James Brown, too young. That guy rocked and had a great sense of humor. So did Ford.

Chevy Chase made fun of President Ford on SNL, always falling and being clumsy. Twice, chicks tried to kill this guy. Hey ladies, why not save one of those bullets for Chevy?

Here’s a chilling thought, President Ford passed tonight in Rancho Mirage, CA.

Where does my mother live? Rancho Mirage, CA.

What street? Gerald Ford Drive.

BTW, she didn’t answer her phone tonight. She’s either gambling, napping or watching Will and Grace re-runs. Possibly all three activities at once.

Which means “Hello Starbucks“. They love closing on Christmas, the CEOs and baristas get a Grinch-like thrill, icing out Americans, leaning on this tired and patronizing family value initiative from the mid-90’s. Chairs up and leave em that way for 24 hours. Make the regular folk suffer.

Seriously, it’s a big F-u. And I totally get it. So instead, I had a wonderful conversation with an Arabic fellow at my local am/pm.

Thanks Starbucks, you’re bringing this world closer and closer together one holiday at a time.

The day is here, does 7-11 offer complementary ipod accessory gift wrapping? Spent Christ-Eve at the 99 Cents Store, it finally hit me in aisle 4, the sadness and desperation of inhaling their version of Obsession.

Right off the bat I’m giving you laughter. Hello, I go by the name of Brody and this is a presentation of MySpace Comedy Blogs for the week of December 25th.

I’m gonna drop in here and there, hoping to develop a forum for those willing to assist my career. I’m only half kidding.

Look forward to interesting sentences, neat photos of people, funny banter and a slide show or two.

Gotta pay respects to Rocky Balboa. He’s back! But before we go on any further, please take a moment to remember the “Godfather of Soul” James Brown who passed earlier this Christmas morning.

He was the ultimate showman, the hardest working man in SHOW-business and that’s why I spice up my photos with bonus pictures and clever text. They say to leave an audience wanting more. I say go over and beyond, like Springsteen, Liberace and now the late great James Brown.