There’s a party going on right here…

My name is Brody and keep that damn grim reaper cat away from me! You know the one, he just beat out his cousin (the piano playing cat) for most popular news story on Yahoo.

The United States loves cute little furry animals, that’s why Michael Vick is taking all this heat. He’s not alone, just like Barry Bonds. But why are we piling on Vick? For one, because it’s easy, he puts a face on what’s wrong with he NFL. Same with Bonds, one single target makes it simple for Americans to channel their displeasures.

I’m all for making an example out of these two, but let’s do it right; harsh yet tactful.

Red, White and Blue, this is our time to shine. How do we handle these two major sports stories of the summer? This will define our nation.

And then there’s Lindsay, Paris and Britney. Lindsay is a young mess on coke. Paris is Paris. Britney has officially lost her mind.

Ship out Lohan and Spears, bring in the new crop. Paris can stay as long as she doesn’t have anymore jailhouse psychotic episodes.

Brody: text of reason

Tonight at 12:30am, look for me at The Comedy Store. Unless I get bumped by Eddie Griffin, which is entirely possible. Jokes and jam, one liners and energy, it’s been called Chair Drum Karaoke, check it out. Some would say it’s catching on…

Friday I’ll be at Largo with Zach Galifianakis and Andy Kindler. I’m always doing fantastic shows with talented known commodities. Yet I’m rarely on TV and people refuse to give me money. Starts at 9pm, probably sold out.

Then on Saturday at UCB in Hollywood off Bronson, north side of Franklin for some midnight “LOL” involving the hip minds connected with Knocked Up and Superbad.

This is what I do.

I always liked her.

Met her one of the three nights I worked over at Jimmy Kimmel Live.

It’s a sunny day in July, I say let’s rock!

Tonight around 1am look for me at The Comedy Store doing my thing with Windy City Heat creator Don Barris. I’ll do some jokes, Don will do his deal, then we’ll blast out tunes, chair drumming and strutting the Original Room back to the mid 80’s when Sam Kinison and Poison called the shots.

Then Sunday night at The Ramada Inn on Vermont with the Sklar Bros and friends.

I’m just going for it. Until the money runs out. Which is t-minus 3 months retroactive March.

Are bus maps available online?

America needs a sports hero to look up to, and that man is David Beckham. Just like American Idol, The Beatles and Harry Potter, we gotta ship in our class, dignity and ideas.

Vick, Bonds and that damn NBA referee have ruined today’s sports landscape as we know it. I don’t know where to turn to and this frightens me beyond belief.

I’m gonna go to all the local little leagues and tell the kids they can look up to me. I have morals, respect and a van.

Speaking of which…

Was watching To Catch a Predator outtakes the other night on MSNBC. They caught a former crew member, he showed up at the decoy house. His excuse? He left his lens cap in the girl’s bedroom.

I believed him.

Welcome to Fantasy Island…

The man on the left is Tattoo’s love child

I wanna see a new movie, it’s Summertime! The Chuck and Buck thing with Sandler and Kevin James, why not?

“Hi, one early bird balcony… butterfinger nuggets and a medium diet squirt”

The explosion in New York on 41st and Lex, so glad it wasn’t worse. Right by the Hyatt on 42nd where all the major league baseball teams stay. Every single Toronto Blue Jay has been accounted for.

The Comedy Store was fun last night, worked for my laughs, that’s what tourists and parents visiting their kids demand. A nice little bonus, I’ve got top billing on the Sunset Blvd marquee, sharing space with Sebastian Maniscalco and Marc Maron. There again tonight, which is Thursday the 19th at 12:30am in the Original Room.

Sebastian will be on the Tonight Show tomorrow with Glen Close and Marilyn Manson. Good guy, proud of him, hard worker and funny. Sebastian too!!

Maron? That’s another story… Kidding. Love Maron, he gets laughs anywhere (mainstream, alternative, theatre). Does Letterman and Conan. I’ve only watched those two - (actually, have done a sketch on Conan and used to hit with Letterman at the batting cages in Sherman Oaks during the Reagan Era).

Stick around for late night Drum Karoke with Don Barris and myself. The band has been struggling, watch as we work out the kinks live on stage for your amusement. Seventy-five percent of time folks go home happy. That’s the chance you take when you witness Brody and Barris. But when it’s magic, those moments are as pure as the driven rain.

Do you like Outkast, The Killers and Matchbox? If the answer is yes, then come on down and watch as we make fun of those bands.

Joking. I commit and respect all forms of percussion.

What else?

I’m getting out of shape and I don’t like it. I look and feel fine, but in this day and age of Hollywood and You Tube, “fine” ain’t good enough. I need to be ripped and hairless –> “Give me the Brazilian and Mesotherapy”

I enjoyed myself thoroughly, three hours poolside Friday and Saturday surrounded by America’s top Hooters Waitresses.

I have lived this fantasy. Crossed off my list. Here’s a sampler, or sample…

You see what I mean? Check back later as I SLOWLY release these digital gems.

Let’s return to Comedy…

Tonight I’ll be at Largo in Los Angeles w/Louie CK, Dana Gould and others. That’s a pretty good show, starts at 9pm, may already be sold out, I’m a draw.

Then Wednesday morning at 9am western, it’s the segment sweeping the nation, say hello to “Stump Stevens” on the Playboy Morning Radio Show, Sirius 198.

Always fun, classy nudity in the studio.

Also, my buddy is a roadie for the band Bowling for Soup. He sets up drums and the cans of broth. It’s a fantastic stage show and an even worse joke here in this posting
See, I tried to rip Bowling for Soup in a cute, clever way. It backfired and blew up in my face. Now I’m chin down, covered in corn chowder powder.

Enjoy That, ready to hit 5-cent video checkers off the strip near Hoover Dam.

Gonna pack light. Wondering, can you get a good pair of socks at The Forum Shops inside Caesar’s or should I hit up the mall across from The Wynn?

Please don’t answer this, I’m just being annoying.

Monday night I’ll be back in LA hosting Largo on Fairfax across from Canter’s Deli at 9pm. Funny people, smart and not hacky, usually, mostly, okay twice.

Here’s a clip from last summer, remixed with border and special effect…

Five day old play on words incorporating internal, yet instinctive wishes for me to exercise.

Time to crank the cardio. Didn’t that get George Michael in trouble? Thank you, I appeal to the cola drinking demographic.

I’m good at this, I should telegraph my best one-liners over to Leno’s assistant while he/she sits in his/her vintage Ford (gift for 1,500 shows) at the park/playground/swing-set across Buena Vista.

I’m creating new forms of comedy for you to explore and dissect.

Have at it!

Tonight I will be appearing at El Cid on Sunset in East Hollywood, closing out the 9pm Garage Comedy show. That’s what I do.

Then Wednesday morning at 9 (get this, AM) for “Stump Stevens” on Playboy Morning Radio (Sirius, Channel 198). Basically I sit in for the hour, taking calls, hanging out with hot chicks, interesting people and creepy older men by the name of Brody Stevens.

Ha, I just mind-F’d you, this is Kyle, Brody’s intern.

Say goat, cuz u got page punked bee-ahtch!

Kyle, I oughtta…

Damn kid, he got into my Ritalin, got very aggressive, had an adverse reaction.

I punched him and he went sprawling. He fell off the swiss ball, which he commandeered during his first wave of rage.

Everything is under control now, I’ll see you tonight in Hollywood.

Maybe a late night Jamba Juice? - “Hi, welcome to Jamba :)”