from yesterday’s Defamer…

*synergy!

*I use a product called The Perfect Goatee

*sick and rare, hopefully

That’s right, nobody will do it for you, unless you are hot or funny.

Guess I’m neither, but I’ll continue to plug away.

Am I having dinner with AROD and meeting up with Barry Zito in Hollywood, yes. I’m in this world. I’ve also placed a stranglehold on late-nights at the Comedy Store with my drums, riffs, jokes and physique.

Am I going to Las Vegas for the HBO/TBS Comedy Festival? Yes, and I’m staying at Caesars! Oh, and daily conversations with 30 Rock’s Judah Friedlander and Into The Wild’s
Zach Galifianakis? These are the top guys, nationalhipheadliners.com

I give you rare photos, videos and positivity, yet I never get the Internet respect I deserve. I’ve been around since 2000 on the Web, I challenge you to find more amusing content.

Signed, Baby Brody

*The Best NFL kick-returner of All-Time??
Good things happen to those who cross my path, but not to those who cross me.

This quote is right up there with “Winners never quit, and Quitters never win“.

Let’s Google my creation…

My work is done for the day, enjoy THAT.

Enjoy the positivity, right off the aluminum bat! Hi kids, my name is Steven James Brody Stevens, what a confused quadrant of words!

You’ve heard of Hermet’s Head or Mind of Mencia? Then have a seat, sit Indian Style and welcome yourself to All Things Brody.

First off, I wanna get a full body scan, chest discomfort once in a while, I could be the next Bobby Brown who checked himself into a Tarzana based hospital over the weekend.

Where did I grow up as a child teen and adult male living with sister?

Tarzana.

I just gave you chills.

I think it’s just muscles, several sets of perfect push-ups and abdominal rotations will awaken hibernated cells and fibers. They’re just working out the kinks, let’s hope.

No shortness of breath, strong and limber, could just be a lung thing… which is connected to the HEART!!

OMG.

What else is in the news…

*please trade Kobe, get it done with, start over.

*maybe I’ll get into the baseball playoffs, we’ll see?

*tonight and Saturday at the Comedy Store in Hollywood, tell them you wanna see me. see what the staff says

*btw, I do comedy, my life is a build-up for laughter, so back off!

*yes I get laughs, soon you will be able to purchase my CD —> one month with Brode in LA: raw, real and humorous

*I’m still ripped, I take Dane Cook Supplements, let’s crank it!

*HBO Comedy Festival in November, look for me up there in Vegas, heavily featured on the web and various TBS functions.

*me and Vlade Divac celebrate NBA Pre-Season 2007

Not because the city of Los Angeles absorbed several vicious body blows and kidney shots over the weekend (USC, UCLA, Angels — all losing hard).

And not for the Joe Torre Era possibly coming to an end in the Bronx.

But BECAUSE of a completed controversial essay on the brutality I witnessed Sunday in Houston on cable tv at home via the hands of Texan defensive lineman Travis Johnson who gestured wildly over a lifeless Quarterback by the name of Trent Green.

You know the play, Miami Dolphin QB Green going low on Johnson, legally at Johnson’s knees on a broken, misdirection pattern. As a result, Johnson’s knee inadvertently banged Green in the head, giving Green a brutal concussion. Johnson himself went flying, luckily avoiding any serious injury (mentally, I’m sure his career flashed in front of his eyes, legs are his livelihood). By far, Green got the worst of it. That’s the play in a nutshell.

Johnson’s actions after the play really got to me, felt like I was watching Reginald Denny all over again, if ever so briefly. Just shocking, no matter how mad you are, to display this kind of un-professional behavior is deplorable.

I went on and on, even Googled the guy, classic rant, etc…

But I misplaced the html, backspaced, refreshed, lost the content.

It’s taken me 24hrs fitness to recover from the unrecoverable text.

I ripped this Travis Johnson guy hard, I may have even crossed the line? I got personal (and I can, because Travis went to High School down the block from me - it takes a Valley Village to raise a child), and for that I apologize.

I just don’t wanna go there today, it was an explosive expose. My emotions refuse to repeat, which is best for all parties involved.

In related news, my draft box holds many secrets.

****

Thanks goes out to 7-11 Fusion Defense coffee, which has been by my side throughout this entire ordeal, guiding my cells, training them to fight off influenza while burning fat and sparing lean tissue muscle.

Yes, lean tissue muscle, not the other way around. Why? Because it makes me smile on the inside. If you don’t have that, stay outta of the comedy business!

Sunset Blvd, late at night, we’re bringing back rock in the vain of a Sam Kinison - Stay tuned to the internet, things are happening for me in the world of web cams.

Good luck to my friends…

and

May the best team win!

Yep, that’s what I’m on. I asked the 7-11 clerk to fix me up a fresh batch, they’ll do it for you. The Fusion formula makes me feel better (sniffles and cough). Actually walked four blocks for this 24oz edition.

The human body should stride upright on a daily basis. So get off your stationary unicycles and rowing machines, and walk!

I get along with most 7-11 employees, even though a couple years ago I was falsely accused of stealing a Diet Coke. I’ve since moved on, mentally. As Chick Hearn would say, no harm, no foul.

I’ll be at the Comedy Store late night this evening doing my thing, followed by Playboy Radio on Wednesday morning and the Hollywood Improv Thursday night.

Yankees down 2-0, doesn’t look good, but you never know? Angels look tired and beat up, Boston is back at full strength, gotta give credit. Colorado looks tough, they’ve got emotion and momentum on their side.

Watching AZ and the Cubs, I think America is pulling for Chicago. The Diamondbacks play the game well, but they won it all in 2001.

Wow, big double play to end a Cub threat at Wrigley in the 5th! I’m now providing in-game play by play, a first for us at this current URL.

BTW, the TBS coverage of the baseball playoffs has been brutal. I’m friends with Frank TV, but come on? Too much, mix in a PSA or something. Boys and Girls Club, March of Dimes, somebody other than Dane Cook or The Captain Morgan rum commercial, a little consumer variety.

Bad replay, ugly, non-unique shots of fans in the crowd, then continuously going back to the fan, consequently missing a shot or cutting away at odd times. Bad directing, strange pacing, horrible audio.

This is Major League Baseball, give us the shots, angles, sounds and hot chicks in the stands.

Don’t BS us, we’re not stupid!

Stop focusing your cameras on dorks and hags.

Thank You and good night for now.

Catchy title. Gotta be, in this day and age.

Not feeling good, slight cold and chill, battling naturally. And what that means is, falling asleep watching Ken Burns’ presentation of The War on PBS.

Sounds like Keith David doing the narration, I can check. Keith was Markie’s Post’s African American husband in the famous Ben Stiller zipper scene for There’s Something About Mary. Actually saw Keith a few months back dining at The Good Earth on Ventura in the Valley.

Going to Google, brb…

Bingo!!

*please don’t question me ever again, this IS a historic moment for bs.com

*Keith David: talented actor, funny guy
In the news…

Lebron James wearing a Yankee hat at the Indians home playoff game tonight in Cleveland?? Rubs me the wrong way. You don’t do that to your loyal home town supporters. I’m not anti-Lebron, I like him, but a move like that in a city as pridefully real as Cleveland just ain’t cool.

It’s a slap in the face, if you ask me, but you haven’t.

And then Marion Jones, Screw her! (not in a sexual way, though she is attractive) Did you see her militant, defiant based speech a few years ago, claiming she never used steroids? I’m not gonna get all into steroids, but her attitude was really off-putting.

Look, I don’t wanna sound smart with long extra words, I’m just glad she’s admitting it. I personally feel better, almost vindicated, after the way she conducted herself at that press conference.

Karma payback.

Little things do matter and the way you handle yourself in public makes a difference to me, ESPECIALLY when you are a highly paid professional athlete in the spotlight.

I know it’s not easy or always fair, but life ain’t fair. Look at me, I write a reader-less blog.

Oh, and Danny Bonaduce throwing Johnny Fairplay over his shoulder resulting in a major face plant the other night at some awards show, you’ve no doubt seen the footage.

From what I can gather, Fairplay annoys people. Bonaduce came up on stage and said the crowd was “booing you” to Fairplay, then Johnny leaped into the arms of Danny, gyrating his legs (very annoying), then Bonoduce threw him over his shoulders, they guy went flying.

It just strikes me as not cool. Bonaduce could have taken the high road, actually would have been refreshing. But he didn’t. I can’t support jock jerk energy, you’ve lost me Danny and anyone else associated with you.

This is my friend Zach, he TOOK the high road w/Fairplay

This is real Los Angeles comedy.

I’ll be here tonight, already SOLD OUT…

Big show, I must deliver. It’s Randy and Jason’s celebration but the crowd will no doubt be focused on me, hoping for some kind of breakdown or break-THROUGH!

I just took on a group mindset, defeated it, then marked my territory by depressing the shift button with my left thumb.

What a great game last night at Coors Field. This is why baseball is special. Football may get the TV ratings, but professional and amateur baseball across America has a special place in our hearts and minds. Chew on this, New York is the capital of the World and the Yankees own New York, makes sense to me.

Football is great too, builds skills amongst its players and coaches. Soccer is wonderful conditioning, get out there and chase that ball! Basketball is fantastic for cardio and expression. Still, baseball with it’s drama, numbers, quirky stadiums, match ups, food, smells, sounds, it ain’t over until it’s over mentality, etc… By far and away, steroids and all, the best game in the World.

And may God bless North America and Israel.

WTF?? I’m sorry, I’ve taken you down a road less traveled. My bad, I apologize. You were just looking for a simple friendly post and I got all political and weird.

I blame Lean System 7 and that new Fusion coffee at 7-11. It makes me drum and type like Neil Peart or Tommy Lee at the University of Nebraska.

I just do comedy, trust me - if this monitor spoke in front of people, it would get laughs, mostly from the comedians standing off to the side of the stage.

*we both chose the same orthodontist (well, my mom did), Dr. Beasley of Encino

Yes, I’m referring to myself as Brode in the title.

I’ve created this monster without the help of RSS feeds or religious ceremonies. My life has been devoted to comedy and honesty. If I sold real estate or Used Cars maybe I wouldn’t be so real. But I was raised pre-internet, where pain, hurt and anger drove the performer on stage. Not bagging on a celebrity through your web cam or upsetting good people at the local Sam’s Club.

I stick to my guns and believe in my craft, saved a couple dollars and now have 8 weeks to make it in Hollywood.

Seriously, I don’t care if you don’t get this, that’s our point. Your art should be done for your soul, not views on You Tube; but cool and respected friends who invite you to the top parties in this company town based on nepotism, looks and credits.

I’ve broken that chain by taking two steps back, ducking in through the side door via personal relationships with studio lot security guards and various valet teams.

DVD’s and candy will get you the best parking spots in LA.

“Me friend, I’ve got chicle!”

But seriously, just goofing. Let’s talk news…

-Sickening. The guy with the baby on video in Nevada, gross. His name is Chester. He’s on the run, a real life “Chester the Molester”.

-Congrats to all my friends competing in this month’s Major League Baseball Playoffs. Yanks vs. Cubs would be neat, so many scenarios, so many memories on the docket ready to go. Starting off tonight in Denver as Jake Peavy goes for his 20th victory of 2007, against the Rockies with all the regular season marbles up for grabs (yes, ALL of the regular season marbles). What’s more important? Winning 20 games or getting into the post season? I say both. Good luck Jay, let’s do it for Milton Bradley, Mike Scott style! (only true baseball fans will appreciate/understand this paragraph)

*Potential MVPs flock to me