We are having a heat wave here in Southern California and it frightens me. We’re all scared, please help, send money and FEMA. I speak on behalf of all second generation Angelenos.

105 degrees today at The Vitamin Shoppe in Woodland Hills. Muscle Milk spoiled and my fresh Fish Oil started to give off odor.

But I adapted! By buying a sling-shot and Power Putty at Sport Chalet.

I like Subway and Robeks as well, when they are corporate branches… not the franchised out editions. Too loose and too “back in 5 minutes” taped to the front door.

The music is wrong, portions and spreading varies, workers out of shape, drink bar a mess, etc…

I’m on the go, I’m using debit and please don’t sweat into my lettuce. Seriously, this has happened recently. She was too eager and spazmatic, giving off moisture. This particular female sandwich artist should have taken a step back, gathered herself, dried up, put on the plastic gloves… then bask me with a deep healthy breath, followed by confident smiling.

Show me you’re IN control when the joint is OUT of IT and I may select double meat or even throw in a tip. I’m that cool and classy.

Just dyed my beard, now I’m ready to exercise topless in the sun.

Will incorporate Bosu Ball, J-Bands (jaegersports.com) and yoga brick purchased at Target prior to Spring Training in Vero Beach.

And you say “who cares?”

Well, the answer is not many.

Let’s be honest.

*click this for access to MySpace profile

Enjoy the personal greeting!

I care, a good guy, I pick up trash in my apartment complex, then drop it off in a city gutter or unsuspecting neighbor’s front lawn.

Litter: if you can’t beat it, join in on the fun!

Graffiti, scratchitti and dog poo has made me this way.

White flight? How about the Jew Flew? Because I’m sick of selfishness and lack of personal responsibility.

The cursing in public is driving me nuts. So nonchalant, or just not aware or don’t care that a child is in line within earshot holding hands ever so gently, caressing his single mother’s soft antibacterial protected palms and fingers at Carl’s Jr.

If it bothers me, and I work in Hollywood and show business (retail on the lot), then it must bother other movers and shakers. Betcha it does, and if it doesn’t they’re un-evolved and living in a bubble.

What else?

Feeling decent today, back home from San Diego, here’s some pix from the 27 hour southbound excursion.

A few more things…

-may have some live shows coming up Zach Galifianakis, Chelsea Handler and Joe Rogan —> the offers are out, up to me to bite

But I love pitching and drumming!! If I can work these two things into my life (oh, kettlebells too), I’d be honored to play eighth fiddle for crowds not there to see me, but I don’t think it’s possible.

Bottom line, I’m not gonna make it in this business on my terms thank you.

Can we please take down the Drillbit Taylor billboards? We get it Owen, you’re here for laughs and comfort and your wrists look great. Is that what you want us to say and think STUDIO EXECS? I’m back, ok and happy… and would you mind not staring at my giantly exposed hands and arms high above Sunset Blvd?

Yes I said “giantly”. Why not? Makes sense to us. And by “us” I mean me and most likely, me.

Gotta go workout, LA public high school campus, blacktop Yoga baby! I’ve paid taxes, kick me off women’s volleyball coach! I dare u, got W-2’s from 1994 in vehicle gloved department (a cushioned file cabinet that I carry in hatch back) next to insurance card and owners manual, and a Clark bar from September.

-fun entry, too bad I’m solo and on my own in a deep dark sea of URL’s. Daddy, I’m scared, help save me from the shallow end of this turbulent tide pool. Is that a sea urchin in your pocket OR are you just happy to see me?

My father Harry would be happy to see me, and that’s a starfish in his pants.

Got emotional thinking of my late father who enjoyed comedies but not my comedy. He passed (in 1997) before the birth of this blog (around 2000) and my Last Comic Standing one and done appearance (i think 2005, non-sweeps period).

Brody: sunday downer

*Dodger 3rd Base Coach currently serving three game suspension

Sandy Koufax in there…