*click and fiddle to get music going in lower left box

We are having a heat wave here in Southern California and it frightens me. We’re all scared, please help, send money and FEMA. I speak on behalf of all second generation Angelenos.

105 degrees today at The Vitamin Shoppe in Woodland Hills. Muscle Milk spoiled and my fresh Fish Oil started to give off odor.

But I adapted! Buy buying a sling-shot and Power Putty at Sport Chalet.

I like Subway and Robeks as well, when they are corporate branches… not the franchised out editions. Too loose and too “back in 5 minutes” taped to the front door.

The music is wrong, portions and spreading varies, workers out of shape, drink bar a mess, etc…

I’m on the go, I’m using debit and please don’t sweat into my lettuce. Seriously, this has happened recently. She was too eager and spazmatic, giving off moisture. This particular female sandwich artist should have taken a step back, gathered herself, dried up, put on the plastic gloves… then bask me with a deep healthy breath, followed by confident smiling.

Show me you’re IN control when the joint is OUT of IT and I may select double meat or even throw in a tip. I’m that cool and classy.

Just dyed my beard, now I’m ready to exercise topless in the sun.

Will incorporate Bosu Ball, J-Bands (jaegersports.com) and yoga brick purchased at Target prior to Spring Training in Vero Beach.

And you say “who cares?”

Well, the answer is not many.

Let’s be honest.

*click this for access to MySpace profile

I care, a good guy, I pick up trash in my apartment complex, then drop it off in a city gutter or unsuspecting neighbor’s front lawn.

Litter: if you can’t beat it, join in on the fun!

Graffiti, scratchitti and dog poo has made me this way.

White flight? How about the Jew Flew? Because I’m sick of selfishness and lack of personal responsibility.

The cursing in public is driving me nuts. So nonchalant, or just not aware or don’t care that a child is in line within earshot holding hands ever so gently, caressing his single mother’s soft antibacterial protected palms and fingers at Carl’s Jr.

If it bothers me, and I work in Hollywood and show business (retail on the lot), then it must bother other movers and shakers. Betcha it does, and if it doesn’t they’re un-evolved and living in a bubble.

What else?

Feeling decent today, back home from San Diego, here’s some pix from the 27 hour southbound excursion.

A few more things…

-may have some live shows coming up Zach Galifianakis, Chelsea Handler and Joe Rogan —-> the offers are out, up to me to bite

But I love pitching and drumming!! If I can work these two things into my life (oh, kettlebells too), I’d be honored to play eighth fiddle for crowds not there to see me, but I don’t think it’s possible.

Bottom line, I’m not gonna make it in this business on my terms thank you.

Can we please take down the Drillbit Taylor billboards? We get it Owen, you’re here for laughs and comfort and your wrists look great. Is that what you want us to say and think STUDIO EXECS? I’m back, ok and happy… and would you mind not staring at my giantly exposed hands and arms high above Sunset Blvd?

Yes I said “giantly”. Why not? Makes sense to us. And by “us” I mean me and most likely, me.

Gotta go workout, LA public high school campus, blacktop Yoga baby! I’ve paid taxes, kick me off women’s volleyball coach! I dare u, got W-2’s from 1994 in vehicle gloved department (a cushioned file cabinet that I carry in hatch back) next to insurance card and owners manual, and a Clark bar from September.

-fun entry, too bad I’m solo and on my own in a deep dark sea of URL’s. Daddy, I’m scared, help save me from the shallow end of this turbulent tide pool. Is that a sea urchin in your pocket OR are you just happy to see me?

My father Harry would be happy to see me, and that’s a starfish in his pants.

Got emotional thinking of my late father who enjoyed comedies but not my comedy. He passed (in 1997) before the birth of this blog (around 2000) and my Last Comic Standing one and done appearance (i think 2005, non-sweeps period).

Brody: sunday downer

*Dodger 3rd Base Coach currently serving three game suspension

First off, rocking out to Daughtry. Yes! He will kick Clay Aiken’s butt all over the Midwest and Southeast! Chris Daughtry is Nickelback with an edge.

Seriously, not a hater. Just read the Playboy interview with Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback. The anger, the issues, the trouble in high school, come on? Really Chad? You were a jerk for no reason and your music reflects it.

Generally, I’ve got more issues with FANS of certain artists.

Hey crowd, it’s okay to share laughs and support. Spread out and release your approval.

We are so compartmentalized and rigid with tags and categories. Instead of just letting go and letting natural positive chuckles fill the room.

Yeah, had a tough weekend. Hard to follow Carlos Mencia and a guy from Jack in the Box commercials.

Not a rip and why would you assume I’ve got issues with these two? I don’t. And that’s why YOU don’t get it… yet.

People are shocked to learn that I am nice. Rare am I negative, extremely and rarely.

*April 11th ——> back on E’s Chelsea Lately for my fourth panel appearance. Two more panels and I get a wonderful sweater.

*Factoid: I used to BMX bike ride in Reseda with Slash. Read about the Teen Center in his book. I was there. I think Slash stood up for me one day after a Aryan guy tripped me.

*Also lived in the same apartment complex with American Idol Superstar Jordan Sparks in Mesa, AZ - early 90’s

Here’s a picture from last night that I took….

*aka Big Papi’ at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles, CA

*will be visiting E’s Chelsea Lately on Valentine’s Night (my third appearance) - Set your camcorders!

Was in AZ and Baton Rogue since we last spoke. Here’s a jpeg diary, starting off in Boston…

*cold in Boston, just before AFC Championship Game

*shoes in Boston, Nikes purchased at Macy’s in NYC

*in Scottsdale with Michael Strahan as he prepares for the big game

*Phoenix Suns Dancers with The Gorilla

As you can see, I’m just getting started here. This is what happens when you drink a Rockstar w/Guava after 9:30pm.

Feeling pretty good, driving out to Mom’s Rancho Mirage cottage for Valentine’s Desert Dessert and a couch crash as I head back to Tempe, AZ for Alumni baseball activities.

Busy, good busy, refuse to complain. But I will. If I see that NHL hockey player get his neck slashed again on ESPN with telestrator arrows highlighting the gore I’m gonna go after Dick Vitale.

Can we now close the book on this steroid crap? If you do it, you’ll get caught and embarrassed. Bonds, Clemens, McGwire and FP Santangelo. That’s good enough for me, all positions covered, blame spread. Owners too, they’re at fault as well, maybe even more?

Back to the action…

*world famous NFL rusher - Barry Sanders of the Lions!

*down with Snoop in AZ

This posting is long, I don’t care, jamming items in, you can come back later. Please let me keep going, nobody suffers.

*Hall of Famer Michael Irvin and QB Kurt Warner of The NFL

*Ben Roethlisberger —> QB for the Pittsburgh Steelers

*where it all happened (who took the huge leak in the lot??)

*video from outside the stadium

Then I was off to the great state of Louisiana and Baton Rogue…

*I went through those doors

*LSU indoor football facility

*end zone

Then back to Glendale, CA for D and D @ Big Fish…

*go right HERE to check out most recent semi-unedited comedy (click right under my name when you arrive at URL)

Tired, this entry took hours to produce.

More in the days ahead, Spring Training here i come!

Things are great, preparing for Arizona on the heels of another successful Chelsea Lately appearance. Two down, more to go? You never know in this town, don’t plan on it. Reset your DVR settings.

Comedy has been going well, rode Atlantic Coast vibes back from Boston. Blue collar salutations in a town known for fresh Chowder and literature.

Tonight (Sunday) I’ll be in Hollywood for Josh Fadem’s Acid Reflux @ The Ramada Inn on Vermont. Starts after 9pm, all the cool kids who fit into thrift and/or American Apparel will be on hand judging outsiders.

I’m in, please don’t ask how or why. You’ll know when and if.

BS: Cryptic Cockiness.

Time for a photo! (lemme check my desktop…)

Super Bowl Week 42 is gonna go off the latches, and I’m diving in spikes first to second base! I’m in shape and ready for my return. Twenty years later I’m back in Tempe where it all began… Pre-internet, pre-Starbucks, Post-Fontaine.

Love my Kettlebells, almost up to two 45’s, swinging them, driving up from a solid base and Bosu Ball. I’m seeing results. Throwing a major league baseball with the precision of All-Stars and multi-millionaires. You think I’m kidding? You think this is a joke? Wanna see receipts from Sports Chalet?? I’m crushing tubing, creating a core and bracing for Spring Training in Vero Beach and Phoenix.

Had a great run with the Yankees, but I now bleed Dodger Blue and it feels so right. Back home at Chavez Ravine where I belong.

You think I’m nuts? Here’s another photo, the gal from 27 Dresses and the Anatomy show…

Ok, let me calm down, got aggressive and defensive. Gonna take a timeout, will mini-trampoline for a bit. Exercise at a cellular level without the impact and embarrassment of jogging in public with a strange gait. (been honked at, and it hurt)

Juicing as well. Aloe Vera, the Brazilians and Pomegranate. Flushing my system, cleaning pipes, peeing seven times a night.

Think I’ll do a couple commercials this year.

So confident, laminated resume and froze IMDB page… this is what I got, book me!!

Hey, this was fun. Let’s do it again soon.

The date and time fell into my lap. Why not take advantage of this rare opportunity and send out a wi-fi blast just hours before the curtain rises?

Very professional, I reverse advertise utilizing several quality assured techniques.

Blogs, a MySpace photo comment and radio in another state.

In other news…

I knew something was up with those guys at The SF Zoo attack. Sorry their friend died, feel even worse for the tiger who got shot by Dirty Harry. See kids, this is what happens when you do drugs and break rules: you may get clawed to death

Enjoyed my four days in Boston. What a fantastic city, very cold, but fantastic nonetheless. The people are real, the streets are old and the girls are very attractive. Hello ladies, yes that was me… Brody Stevens eating delicious seafood alone inside the comforts of Quincy Market.

Shot a sports comedy series for NESN (New England Sports Network) at The Comedy Connection with Barry Katz and Gary Gulman. I helped run the production (aka audience warm-up) - also did my 7-minute stand-up spot that went over quite well thank you. Look for it sometime in the summertime running on NESN and/or available on Blue Ray.

Everyone was cool, local staff, hires, comedians, audiences, etc. Try and get crowds like this in LA. Heck no. Sorry fellow Angelinos.

What else…

Feeling pretty good, will be in Arizona for Super Bowl Week (not the game, I have an appointment that day, getting perm did at Fantastic Mam’s). Look for me roaming the streets of Old Town in Scottsdale.

My Dad was born in Phoenix, my late Grandmother’s first boyfriend was the brother of Barry Goldwater. Some family roots are still present in Miami/Globe, AZ.

Bottom line, The Grand Canyon State and I have a mutual respect for each other. I’ve been known to get emotional, but I will keep my composure throughout the duration of this post.

Darn! Forgot my iBook charger at the hotel in Faneuil Hall.